Voice of Youth - Love and Marriage

Contributed By Calisha Bennett, Western Australia

Many find it difficult to understand how a person can marry someone who they have not had any previous relationship with. In Islam, Muslims are not allowed to have any relations with the opposite sex outside of marriage and are instead instructed to marry as soon as they are able to. The wisdom behind this is in the words of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him):

“Anyone among you who has resources should get married, because it helps lower the (lustful) look and guard the private parts (i.e. chastity)............” (Recorded by Nasai)

Young men and women should practice self restraint until they are ready for marriage and commitment. By doing so, they will be protecting themselves from the numerous personal and societal problems we see today. Instead of relieving sexual impulses with some random person or a person they “might” see a future with; Muslims must save their first intimate moments for the individual they choose to be their life partner.

When Islamic guidelines are adhered to in this regard, the individuals will enter their marriage knowing that they have been saving themselves for each other. This will result in a greater appreciation of one another and it will build a strong bond of love and commitment that is essential in the early days of marriage.

God describes the closeness and security of the married couple in the following Verses of the Quran:
“And among His signs is that He created for you, from yourselves, spouses that you may dwell (in joy and security) unto them, and He set between you love and mercy; surely in that are signs for those who reflect.” (30:21)
And
“They are a garment for you and you are a garment to them.” (2:187)

When a person is in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, it is well known that there will be a lot more going on than holding hands and hugging. Minimal affection can only go on for so long because it is in the nature of men and women to desire a more intimate and sexual relationship with one another.

With the hormones raging and pheromones are in the air, many youth are sexually active at a young age – sometimes as young as 12 and 13! The result of indulging in commitment-free sexual activity is the destruction and demoralization of many, many young people all over the world. Issues such as unwanted pregnancies that result in abortion; teenagers who have barely started highschool becoming single parents; huge increases in infections and STD’s like hepatitis and AIDS; the emotional trauma resulted from breakups and rejection; the list goes on! All these problems greatly hinder the youth from developing into a well balanced and responsible adult. If sexual activity was avoided until the individual was mature enough, many of these problems would not occur.

Why is it that sex is given so freely yet such a big deal is made about choosing a life partner? Emphasis should be made on both. Choose the one you marry and the one give your intimacy to VERY CAREFULLY.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
“It is a right upon Allah to help the one who seeks to marry for the purpose of avoiding what Allah has prohibited.” (Recorded by Ibn “Adiyy)

Islam encourages that once a person is physically (sexually) and financially able, they should choose a good spouse and marry. If they are not yet ready, then they should fast as the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
“Get married. And whoever cannot afford it should fast, because it is a restraint (of desire) for him.” (Recorded by at Tabarani)

You may have heard of or met a Muslim who was married at a young age and maybe thought “oh the poor thing, forced into marriage so young!” However I would like help you see it in a different light using two different scenarios.

Scenario 1

Ali is a 17 year old guy who has never had a girlfriend but strongly feels that he is ready to find someone to commit to and build a loving relationship with. He is in good health, is currently studying and has a part time job. He would like to find a decent girl who wants the same things out of life.

Scenario 2

Adam is a 17 year old guy who had his first girlfriend at 13 and has 3 others since then. He has just become sexually active with his current girlfriend and likes her a lot but does not see their relationship going long term. He is currently at school and enjoys partying with his mates. He wants to settle down and get married when he is about 25.

What differences do you see here? Which scenario do you respect more?

Many Muslims who have married at a young age felt the same way as “Ali” in scenario 1 and while some cultures force their youth into marriage – the Islamic way allows the individual to choose for himself/herself whenever he/she is ready.

When a Muslim wants to get married and is searching for a potential spouse, there are generally four characteristics that are put into consideration:
1. Wealth
2. Social status
3. Beauty
4. Faith

Regarding these four characteristics the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
“......So seek the one with faith – may you then be successful.” (Bukhari & Muslim)

We are encouraged to put aside the temporary factors like beauty, wealth and social status (which are all valid characteristics to consider) and place importance on the person’s faith. This quality will reflect their character, their understanding of their responsibilities as a husband or wife and will be the backbone of the marriage. When two people know what their creator expects of them and they want the same things out of life, they will do whatever they can to work towards their aims together.

Marriage is something that God has ordained and is sure to have many advantages. It helps to preserve faith, religion and chastity; it allows two people to enjoy love, mercy and security; it allows lawful fulfillment of desire and it allows two people to build a lasting relationship and live in harmony with one another.

I’ve always said that your life STARTS when you get married. You are going to spend the rest of your life with that person (God willing) so why not embark on that journey and begin building a life together as soon as you are ready and able to?

Why waste time and energy “testing the waters”? Why compromise your emotional, psychological and physical wellbeing for a sexual experience with someone that you don’t want to marry?

With Islam, mankind does not have to deny themselves of their natural desires and inclinations but must act according to the limits ordained by Allah (God) in the Quran. By doing so, one will be able to have contented, fulfilling and love-filled lives.

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